Best limericks ever

Here is a small collection of some of the most popular funny limericks:. There once was a man called Reg, Who went with a girl in a hedge, Along came his wife, With a big carving knife, And cut off his meat and two veg! There once was an artist named Saint, Who swallowed some samples of paint, All shades of the spectrum, Flowed out of his rectum, With a colourful lack of restraint!

There once was a man from Nantucket, Who kept all of his cash in a bucket, But his daughter named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket Nan took it! A chap who lived in New Guinea, Was known as a silly young ninny, He utterly lacked, Good judgment and tacked, For he told a fat girl she was skinny! There was a young lady from Vanvaper, Who wiped her butt with brown paper, Though the paper was thin, So her fingers slipped in, She no longer used that brown paper!

If you have any more good limericks you are welcome to post them in the section below. Thanks to those who have contributed theirs, more are always welcome a they are very good. There once was a woman named Dot Who lived on pig shit and snot When she ran out of these She ate the green cheese Which grew from the sides of her twat.

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose dick was so long he could suck it. A keen scented veteran of Tachoma, was awarded a special diploma, for his telling apart, a feminine fart, from a similar masculine aroma. There once was a man from Nantucket, who had such a long dick he could suck it.

He said with a grin, while wiping his chin. If my ear was a hole I would fuck it! There once was a man from Boston who bought him a baby austin. Once was a dog with hind leg missing, He pleasured his bitch licking and kissing, For since he was lam Doggy-style was not his game He couldnt even go lamp-post pissing!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Skip to content. Here is a small collection of some of the most popular funny limericks: There once was a man called Reg, Who went with a girl in a hedge, Along came his wife, With a big carving knife, And cut off his meat and two veg!

These are a bit saucy and not safe for kids, just the way it should be on this website! Add Comment Cancel reply.To return Click Here.

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Toggle Navigation Menu. Go to BabaMail. Edited By: Shai K. Dirty Limericks. There once was a man from Devizes Whose balls were of differing sizes One was so small you couldn't see it at all The other so big it won prizes. There once was a Senator from Mass Who wanted a strange piece of ass He lucked up and found it But screwed up and drowned it And now his future is past. There was a young lady from Brighton Who had an incredibly tight 'un "Heavens Above! It fits like a glove" "Oh! That twisted ol' dude called Lee, Had a thing for a woman's knee.

He tossed her a coin She kicked in his groin And now he is known as Cicely. That recently single dude Martin told his ex-wife "Since our partin' I've had women and men Several geese and a hen and a Hoover, and that's just for startin'. Two lesbians north of the town Made sixty-nine love on the ground Their unbridled lust Leaked out in the dust And made so much mud that they drowned. There was a man named Daddino Met a handsome young man from Encino The pleasures they had Made them both rather glad But the neighbors all found it obscene-o.

There once was a fellow O'Doole Who found little red spots on his tool His Doctor a cynic said Get out of me clinic, And wipe off that lipstick you fool! There once was a guy named Swartz, whose dick was covered with warts, but the girls would play, with his dick anyway, 'cause good ol' Swartz came in quarts!

There once was a lady named Dot Who lived off of pigshit and snot. When she ran out of these She ate the green cheese That she grew on the sides of her twat.

There once was a man from Bel Air Who was doing his wife on the stair But the banister broke So he doubled his stroke And finished her off in mid-air. An insomniac young fellow named Hatches Took a room in a whorehouse in Natchez He still tossed and turned half the night, but he learned How to manage by sleeping in snatches.

There once was a Scott named McAmeter With a tool of prodigious diameter 'Twas not his size That caused such surprise 'Twas his rhythm - iambic pentameter. There once was maid name of Olga, whoes resume read rather vulga the things she could do, from basement to flue, without ever letting go of ya. There once was a rabbi named Keith Who circumcised men with his teeth It was not for the leisure Or the sensual pleasure But to get at the cheese underneath.

There was a young man from Peru, who fell asleep in his canoe, while dreaming of Venus, he played with his penis, and woke up covered in goo. There once was a fellow McSweeny Who spilled some gin on his weenie Just to be couth He added vermouth Then slipped his girlfriend a martini. There once was a man from Pompeii One day made a wife out of clay But the heat from his prick Turned the clay into brick And tore all his foreskin away!

There was a young lady from Kew Who said, as the bishop withdrew Oh the Vicar is quicker And thicker and slicker And four inches longer than you. There was a young maid from Madras Who had a magnificent ass; Not rounded and pink, As you probably think — It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass. It deals with virgins And masculine urgins for vulgar erotic effects. A young whore who came from Lahore Would lie on a rug on the floor. In a manner uncanny She'd wiggle her fanny And drain your balls dry to the core.

43 Old and Funny Dirty Limericks!

A suave young man named Douglas Felt bad that he was pud-less. Young Micharlangelo Matos Has relations with unripe tomatoes. Grinning, he flirts "Sure the insertion hurts But they're cleaner than uncooked potatoes. There once was a girl from Hoboken, who swore her cherry was broken, from riding her bike, on a cobblestone pike, but it was really broken from pokin'.

In the garden of Eden sat Adam, Massaging the bust of his madam, He chuckled with mirth, For he knew that on earth, There were only two boobs and he had 'em. When they paid to get in, She said with a grin, You must pay to get out of it too!

There once was a man from East Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent To save her some trouble He folded it double And instead of comingFunny limericks have been embraced by many countries around the world, but they have a special place in Irish culture. From some of their earliest appearances in Edward Lear's The Book of Nonsense to today's modern masterpieces, limericks have caused millions of laughs with their simple, clever, often somewhat off-color humor. Here is a collection of funny ones.

For many more examples, check out our main section on Limerick Poems. There was a young fellow of Crete. Who was so exceedingly neat. When he got out of bed. He stood on his head. To make sure of not soiling his feet. The bottle of scent Willie sent.

Was quite displeasing to Millicent. Her thanks were so cold. That they quarreled, I'm told. There was a girl from Rabat. Who had triplets, Nat, Pat and Tat. It was fun in the breeding. But hell in the feeding. When she found she had no tit for Tat.

7 Of The Best Funny Limericks

A patient who kept getting worse. You've done all your best. And performed every test. But I've come to the end of my purse!They can also demonstrate a masterly control of verse form and admirable economy of language. Warning: some of these classic limericks are rather rude, to say the least. The limerick packs laughs anatomical Into space that is quite economical. While Titian was mixing rose madder His model reclined on a ladder.

The following three classic examples of the limerick were all written by one man, the poet Algernon Charles Swinburne Swinburne was one of the most technically accomplished poets of the Victorian age. But as well as the variety of verse forms he mastered, he also wrote about a number of risque and taboo themes, especially sexual themes, in his work.

He was a colourful figure, known for his saucy private life as much as for his poetry, and tales of his fondness for flagellation and naked sliding down banisters are well-known. There was a young girl of Aberystwyth Who took grain to the mill to get grist with. The following limerick was written by Oliver Wendell Holmes Seniorthe American poet and polymath:.

best limericks ever

There was a young lady of Chichester Who made all the saints in their niches stir. The frequenters of our picture palaces Have no use for psychoanalysis; And although Doctor Freud Is distinctly annoyed They cling to their old-fashioned fallacies. Curiously, nobody knows for sure why limericks are named limericks. It has even been described by Brander Matthews as perhaps the only original verse form in the whole of English literature. For more information, see our list of curious facts about the limerick form.

You can find more classic limericks, courtesy of SF writer Isaac Asimov, here. You might also enjoy these classic humorous poems and our short biographies of Victorian writers told in limerick form.

The author of this article, Dr Oliver Tearle, is a literary critic and lecturer in English at Loughborough University. Reblogged this on newauthoronline. It can do it again if it likes! The Limerick is furtive and mean and must be kept under strict quarantine or she escapes to the slums and quickly becomes disorderly, drunk, and obscene.

There was a young lady from Frome Whose boobies popped out like balloons The butler walked by With a glint in his eye And popped them back in with warm spoons.

Dirty Limericks

Enter your email address to subscribe to this site and receive notifications of new posts by email. Email Address. Interesting Literature is a participant in the Amazon EU Associates Programme, an affiliate advertising programme designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. Share this: Tweet. Like this: Like Loading There was a young lady from Frome Whose boobies popped out like balloons The butler walked by With a glint in his eye And popped them back in with warm spoons Loading Leave a Reply Cancel reply.

Subscribe via Email Enter your email address to subscribe to this site and receive notifications of new posts by email. Privacy Policy Privacy Policy. Interesting Literature. Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.There once was a man named Cass. He had to big balls of brass. And in stormy weather, They clung together, And lightening shot out of his ass.

Not dirty, but I always found it funny. My personal fave There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin "If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it".

best limericks ever

An insomniac young fellow named Hatches Took a room in a whorehouse in Natchez He still tossed and turned half the night, but he learned How to manage by sleeping in snatches. There once was a Scott named McAmeter With a tool of prodigious diameter 'Twas not his size That caused such suprise 'Twas his rhythm - iambic pentameter. I'm still waiting for the cooperative dirty limerick thread to appear. My best There once was maid name of Olga, whoes resume read rather vulga the things she could do, from basement to flue, without ever letting go of ya.

There once was a rabbi named Keith Who circumcised men with his teeth It was not for the leisure Or the sexual pleasure But to get at the cheese underneath There once was a girl named Jill Who tried a stick of dynamite for a thrill They found her vagina in South Carolina Best dirty limerick?

Would the Velvet Room be a better place for this? No, the Lounge is the place for this.

Lawrence Howard, Irish limericks

Ars Legatus Legionis et Subscriptor. Ars Centurion et Subscriptor. Evolved Past You. Posted: Tue Apr 24, pm. Posted: Fri Apr 27, am.Dirty Limericks are the best kind of limericks and the most popular!

Here you will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we can't show on the main page. These limericks are what you would call NC and either have quite nasty language or strong sexual content. But that is why we like um! Remember you can submit your own dirty limericks by clicking in the "Add a Limerick" button in the navigation. Limercks are displayed by the most popular ones first, so make sure to Vote Up your favorites!

Vote This Limerick Up! Straight screwing I save for the nation. Just to be couth, he added vermouth, and then slipped his date a martini. Dirty Limericks Dirty Limericks are the best kind of limericks and the most popular! Sort by: Most Popular or Newest Limercks. There was a young sailor from Brighton, Who remarked to his girl, You've a tight one, She replied, "Oh my soul, You're in the wrong hole, There's plenty of room in the right one!

best limericks ever

The lass I brought home was a prize, With an alluring set of bright blue eyes, Her breasts, so well kept, Were what I'd expect, But her penis was quite a surprise.

The president's loud protestation, On his fall to the intern's temptation: "This affair is still moral, As long as it's oral. There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose dick was so long he could suck it, He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear were a cunt, I could fuck it! There once was a man named Sweeney, who somehow spilled gin on his weenie.

There was a young lady from Kew Who said, as the bishop withdrew, Oh, the Vicar is quicker, And thicker and slicker, And four inches longer than you.

There once was a man called Dave, Who kept a dead whore in a cave, He said "I admit, I'm a bit of a shit, But think of the money I save". The limerick's callous and crude, Its morals distressingly lewd; It's not worth the reading By persons of breeding - It's designed for us vulgar and rude.Everything was well organized and went like clockwork.

T Geraldine and Robyn, Canada Iceland Full Circle, June 2016 Helga, our tour consultant, went above and beyond with her service. Anna and Robert, United States Adventures Around Iceland, June 2016 Iceland is a beautiful country.

best limericks ever

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