My fiance left me because of my past redditOn 31.01.2021 by Necage
In the fall ofmy parents were fresh out of a divorce and my dad was already engaged to another woman. I was in school to become an athletic trainer, and got involved with an athlete in a drunken escapade and lost my virginity.
I was disciplined by the school, shamed by my classmates, and I even shamed myself. During the next two years, I was a party girl. I went out every weekend, I got really drunk, and I was regularly approached by guys.Sister Demands I Cancel My Wedding Because She Was Left At The Altar - Family Ruined My Wedding
I met my boyfriend in December oftwo months after I had cut ties with my past. I had taken the time to find and better myself. But he is haunted by my past. What should I do? Is there any way to move past this as a couple so we can continue to build our future together? We all make mistakes, get lost, waste time, act up, and act out. We all have bad months and bad years. Of course you had a rough couple of years. You were a college kid dealing with all this stress from home to school — with what sounds like very little support.
And, like a lot of folks, you drank too much when things got hard. You have to be forgiving of yourself, within reason.
Bush, but I am a big fan of how he explained his early use of booze and drugs. It was his way of saying that he learned from his youthful mistakes.
My Husband Left Me: I Don’t Know How I’ll Ever Recover
So I hope you can find a way to forgive yourself, to see that when you were young and hurting, you were young and hurting. Having sex and partying is not some sort of sin to be ashamed of.
And a little acting out — a little escapism — is often damned healthy. You were just a college kid. You were also in a very particular environment as a student athletic trainer: As a student, you were required to work closely with male bodies.
You were getting to know these muscular men, touching them intimately, and talking frankly about how to help them. You deserve to be with a guy who accepts that you, like just about everyone else on planet Earth, have a messy history. Ask him the basics: Why does it bother him so much?
Would he feel different if you were a doctor? Does he not trust you? Can he not move on? I grew up in a very religious household and I have always been "scared" to get pregnant. I don't know all that much about this stuff.
I haven't got birth control but I do have an appointment set up to get some. With that being said, my boyfriend and I decided to move to the next step and we had sex.So basically last month I started dating this guy. He was amazing, one of the most unique people I've ever met. Handsome, muscular which I like very successful and independent, extremely intelligent pretty much the whole package.
Had no family as a kid and basically turned nothing into everything and I just fell really hard for him. I'm 24 and he was For his age he's accomplished more than what most men in their 30s have accomplished. Already put down money on a house, left home when he was I sort of lied though about my past relationships, he was in a long term relationship for 4 years before and I said I've only been with a few guys all which were long term relationships which wasn't true.
I have a good friend I've known since I was 19, she's been dating this guy for about 2 years now. When I was single I used to have threesomes with her and her boyfriend, just every now and then. He didn't know about any of it but for some reason I think he just had this bad vibe or something. He told me a few days ago there was something off about how I acted around them, like he knew something was up.
At first he didn't say anything, he just stayed silent but I could tell her was raging inside his head. Later that day he called me and said he can't keep dating me, and for the fact that I'm still friends with them is even more messed up and he's not okay with that at all and I said they're my friends still. He said I'm sorry but it's over, you aren't the person I thought you were.
Since then he won't talk to me and told me to please move on. I'm pretty upset, is there anything I could do to have him take me back? I know he can pretty much any girl he wants honestly, he can get someone just like me but who hasn't done what I've done before that he wasn't okay with. He has a strong sense of morals and I know he's going to end up with a girl that fits his morals and it really makes me sad it can't be me.
He also mentioned he thought my friends boyfriend was a douchebag, and couldn't believe out of any guy it would be a guy like him too sort of one of those guys who is carefree, long hair hippie type guy and my boyfriend is the complete opposite, a lot better looking, very successful and pretty much just the other side of the spectrum.
I am glad that you came clean to your ex-boyfriend. Every man needs to read stories like this and understand what the modern woman is really all about. Where have all the good men gone? Plain truth and no BS analysis into what men face today Women do whatever they deem is within their own best interests.He keeps on asking very personal questions and asking for details.
I tried to lie but he found out, so I honestly told him everything. He suggested breaking up, but I love him very much. Without the issue of my past we are really happy, so how can I make him forget about my past?
I was still a virgin when I met him, and to make him feel better I had sex with him. It was my first time and it was his first time too. Although you may feel like you are, the fact is that you are not helpless.
You are in control of your own life, and once you accept that you have this power, you probably will be happier. Too many people give away control of their lives for the sake of unhealthy relationships. They do it in order to stay in the relationship, only to find that they are trapped in something truly miserable, or that their partner will leave them anyway. Thus, I would stop trying to placate him and start thinking about what you want.
Everyone has a past. As you correctly pointed out, our pasts are over. They are done and cannot be changed. Moreover, there is nothing wrong with engaging in sexual behavior with previous partners as long as all involved were consenting adults. The only way partners can deal with such a situation is to set boundaries around the topic and make it off-limits.
Once you have explored it ad nauseum as it sounds like you havewhy continue? If he wants to continue being upset about it, he can do so without your participation. I find it disturbing that your boyfriend has said cruel things and called you names. Relationships that are healthy are nurturing and considerate of both partners, not just one. Sex should be something that is engaged in when both partners want it and feel special because of it.
Although your past may be the only topic that is problematic currently, the behaviors exhibited because of it are unhealthy and probably indicative of future troubles.
Consequently, I strongly suggest that you re-examine your relationship. No one, especially not someone who loves you, should be verbally abusive towards you. Those behaviors are symptomatic of an abusive relationship. If you are feeling helpless now, chances are that this feeling will get stronger with time. Thus, I recommend talking with a qualified mental health professional who could help you with this.
A good counselor can help you regain your personal power and transform your relationships into better ones. All clinical material on this site is peer reviewed by one or more clinical psychologists or other qualified mental health professionals.
Ask the Psychologist provides direct access to qualified clinical psychologists ready to answer your questions. It is overseen by the same international advisory board of distinguished academic faculty and mental health professionals — with decades of clinical and research experience in the US, UK and Europe — that delivers CounsellingResource.
Over 2 months ago I went out with my friend and my cousin we went to a Pub and there I happened to see a guy from high school we talked etc and then a couple of days later he invited me over his place I had no idea what his intentions were but we started talking about the old days etc and having wine and one thing lead to another and we ended up having sex, afterwards I felt to dirty and ashamed I left, got home got like a 2 hours shower, I even brushed my teeth with bleach I felt so terrible and the only person I trusted was my best friend Jennifer I told her and she promised that she will take that secret to her grave but instead a couple of days ago she met with my husband and told him everything and even showed him texts and Facebook conversation we had about it.
My Boyfriend Can't Get Over My Past
I don't know what to do I love my husband it was a terrible mistake. Yesterday I talked to my Jennifer and she said that the reason she told my husband was because she and her husband John have an agreement that they won't keep any secret from each other so she told her husband and he basically told her that if she didn't tell my husband he was going to do it so she felt like she had no choice. My husband told me through his lawyer that as soon as the baby is born he will file for shared custody and he will be there for the baby, but I need him I want here with.
I can't believe I'm going through this my entire world has been destroyed just over a fuccking mistake and because my so-called friend couldn't help keep her mouth shut. I can't believe this is happening. I need some advice please. Personally, I don't see your life was so great, because a Simple Mistake like this cost you a husband and best friend Best Friend I know about the rule of spouses to share information I know this one it that one that hurts the most.
I wish you good luck, and I hope You know to made this bad situation a opportunity to had something Better for you and your child!!! You only got best answer as you told here what you wanted to hear!
You probably have done the same and that's why you are defending her. She's slept around and is now paying her dues. She deserves to be alone. If we can't appreciate what we have, we don't deserve having it!! I can't believe you are telling us that you didn't know his intentions when you went to his place. Are you serious? So just because you met someone you knew and you remembered the past that makes it a reason for you to sleep with them?
My dear if everyone was like you then everyone would be cheating constantly. Come on if someone told you this lie you won't even believe it yourself!A few days ago, I slept with a male friend while my husband was out of town visiting relatives. It only happened, once, I swear, and I did not intend for it to happen. Now, I feel incredibly guilty. I love my husband and never planned to betray him.
If I do, he may leave me. It is difficult to trust anyone these days. My wife of 19 years now aged 42 has been cheating me for last 2 to 3 years. I never got suspicious about her all these years but few months back when i came back from work in the evening accidentally i came across a floating condom in our toilet and realized that something was wrong.
I never use condom and our son aged 17 who is still in junior college is not likely to indulge in such things at home. I got suspicious of a relative sisters husband aged 55 years who at times stays at our house while visiting our city.
Thereafter i started keeping a watch on her behaviour in his presence. Soon i realised i was being fooled by both of them all this while and i could make out that there was something happening physical between them as i noticed that she used to stop wearing bra inside blouse while he was staying with us. I then asked her straightaway and after lot of denial she confessed that she had cheated but she continued to harp that he had forced her.
If you truly love him, and he you, it will only ruin the relationship. Trust is GONE after that kind of thing and even if you make it past it, the relationship is never the same. But ask yourself this, did you really slip up?
Or is there something missing that made you cheat? Will it happen again? Are you sure? If you feel good about those answers, stay and stay quiet.
Best of luck to you and I hope something I said helps. I too was the victim of a cheating wife. In retrospect truth is I would have killed him or crippled him my favorite choice but she knew and blamed my lack of support, my lack of attention, my……. Then I loved her so much that I stayed and tried to build that trust again and marriage again. We had two more children since, 7 grandchildren since and some good memories.
Now my vows are shot, I possess regrets and mostly feel like a royal chump for staying and I can say without question my heart will never be hers totally again!
Her affair lasted for a few months yes even after I was home and she finally broke it off. My friends the truth of sexual infidelity in a loving caring marriage is that one suffers immense pain and if you stay in your marriage be aware it does not ever go away! Same here. Stayed for our three little kids… It is an empty shell and sometimes I wonder if I am simply a coward rather than a hero…. I am married for last 6 years with a guy with whom I was into a relationship for 5 years.When I started dating my current boyfriend, it was as if everything fell into place.
It finally felt like what I thought a relationship should feel like. I was incredibly happy, but also afraid that my boyfriend would find out something about my past that would change how he felt about me. He seemed uncomfortable with the number of people I had slept with, but it wasn't a huge issue. One night, after talking about a friend of ours who met his girlfriend in a threesome, he asked me if I had ever been in one.
It didn't occur to me to lie, particularly about something I consider so minor, so I answered honestly and told him yes. After that, everything changed. The night I told him I'd had a threesome, he cried and said he felt sick.
He became so angry with me that he began to pick at me, and it seems like everything I do is wrong. Overnight, I went from being in a relationship that made me even more confident and happy with myself to being in a relationship that brings me down and constantly reminds me of my shortcomings. It's been six months since he found out.
Husband found out about my sexual past
I asked him to get therapy, and he saw two people. He said none of their suggestions helped one suggested that he laugh it off and make it into a jokeand they seemed to run out of ideas. Now it's like he's given up. We hardly ever have sex anymore, because when we have sex, he thinks about my past. He says that he sees sex as sacred, and even though he's not religious, he has all of these rules on what is right and what is wrong.
I'm not asking for his approval of my past actions, just understanding and forgiveness. I've tried explaining my past and why I did the things that I did, and I've tried to make him understand how much he means to me and how much I value sex with him, but nothing seems to make any difference.
I'd made a couples therapy appointment for us, but he "has something to do then" and says he wouldn't feel comfortable talking about this stuff to a therapist in front of me. I can't keep feeling so ashamed of a past I had come to terms with, but I also can't bring myself to give up on someone that I love so much.
Before the threesome fiasco, we'd been talking about marriage and our future, and now I wonder how he could have meant any of that. If he loved me so much, how could his love and respect for me be so conditional? Is there anything he can do to get over this, or am I going to have to forget about how good things used to be and move on?
It's Christmastime, and here I am trying to figure out where to live and who gets the cats and how on earth I can handle all of this hurt.My boyfriend broke up with me 2 nights ago. It's all because he can't accept my sexual past. I'd admit they were a lot but don't worry, it's below 10 but I didn't really regret anything about it, in fact, I was single when I did it.
We met when I was about to end sleeping around, it was about 3 years ago, and right that time he knew stuff about me sleeping around and he knew I had sex with his friend that time. We started dating this May and became official on August, and since September until now, the only thing we've been fighting about is my past. I told him that it's the past, and he should put it to where it belongs, but he still can't do it. He kept digging about it.
After the fight, it would be okay, but he would bring it up again the next week and we're gonna have misunderstandings about it again. It's so tiring and he doesn't even try to understand that it's the past and what should matter now is the present and the future.
I know it must be hard for him to understand since he was a virgin and I'm his first. He broke up with me 2 nights ago. But he went back to me again and talked things out. We were so serious, we were so happy. Everything's perfect. But that. He told me he hates me for what I've done before and he has started to have second thoughts if he's gonna marry me in the future.
It's the past, so what's the point of it? He was really sorry that night he kept crying, but I don't know if I could trust him again. He told me he'll never leave me but he did. He was really regretful and he knew how much damage he gave me that night, but I still gave him a chance. Right now, I could feel how much he loves me, but I don't know, something's different.
I love him, I do, we're planning to get married in the future but something's different. Something's not like before. After the fight, we feel closure. But right now, he's the only one who feels the closure. I don't.